GWEG GETS A BIKE
Oh happy day! Gweg has just gotten a new bicycle from his parents. Gweg just loves riding on bikes, but his old bike has got two flat tires. Gweg can't wait to try out his new bike!
Gweg starts riding his new bike up and down his road. Gweg's mother warned him not to go to far, because there could be dangerous people out there. But Gweg is having too much fun. He decides that it wouldn't hurt just to go down one more block.
What fun! Gweg loves to feel the breeze go around his face. He is so caught up in the moment, that he fails to see a motorcycle coming his way. Gweg looks up in time and sees the motorcycle.
Gweg swerves his bike at the last moment and crashes to the pavement, cutting himself up and getting road rash.
Gweg looks up to see the owner of the motorcycle looking down on him. Uh-oh, it's Richard the Biker Thug, the meanest biker who ever lived. He is also the leader of the Hell's Satans.
"You stupid kid! You almost made me wreck!" Screamed Richard the Biker Thug.
"I'm sorry. Could you please call 911," Gweg cried.
"I ain't got time," said Richard, "I'm late for a date with some biker chick. Just lick your wounds like the dog you are."
Then Richard the Biker Thug got on his hog and took off. Gweg screamed for help.
Gweg looked up and saw Richard turning around. "Good," Gweg thought, "He's going to help me."
Instead Richard the Biker Thug ran over Gweg, turned around and ran over him again.
An hour later, an ambulance finally arrived, but it was too late because Gweg became road kill.
THE END
Friday, August 09, 2002
GWEG BECOMES A PRIEST
What a fine day! Gweg has become a man of the cloth. He feels so much closer to God now ever since he got his own church.
Unfortunately, no one has been to Gweg's chuch in the two weeks it has been opened. Gweg is upset by this, but he does not lose hope. In fact, he has a wonderful idea!
Gweg prints up hundreds of fliers advertising his church. One sunny afternoon, Gweg drives all over town putting fliers on people's cars.
Gweg is happy with his idea, he fails to see a Darwin Fish on one if the cars he puts a flier on.
That Sunday, Gweg is prepared for hundreds of people flocking to his church. But, alas! No one shows up! Gweg is about to hang it up, when someone walks through the door.
"Did you put this flier on my car?" The stranger asked, holding up a piece of paper.
"Yes, I did sir," Gweg said.
"I don't appreciate you putting trash on my car," the stranger said.
"Who are you?" Gweg asked.
"I'm Richard the Atheist," the stranger said.
Gweg, naive to the world, had a vague understanding of what atheism is. Gweg asked the man, "Have you found Jesus?"
Richard the Atheist said, "I didn't know I was supposed to be looking for him."
Gweg said, "Well you can find him in your heart."
Richard the Atheist didn't look in his heart. Instead, he looked to his left, and there he saw a small crucifix.
Richard the Atheist said, "Hey! I found him!"
Richard picked up the crucifix and threw it at Gweg. The crucifix impaled Gweg right in the heart.
Richard the Atheist then nailed Gweg onto the large cross hanging from the ceiling.
Word got out on the street that there was a priest so devoted to god, that he crucified himself. That next Sunday, hundreds of people went to Gweg's church.
But Gweg couldn't preach to them, because Gweg was dead.
THE END
What a fine day! Gweg has become a man of the cloth. He feels so much closer to God now ever since he got his own church.
Unfortunately, no one has been to Gweg's chuch in the two weeks it has been opened. Gweg is upset by this, but he does not lose hope. In fact, he has a wonderful idea!
Gweg prints up hundreds of fliers advertising his church. One sunny afternoon, Gweg drives all over town putting fliers on people's cars.
Gweg is happy with his idea, he fails to see a Darwin Fish on one if the cars he puts a flier on.
That Sunday, Gweg is prepared for hundreds of people flocking to his church. But, alas! No one shows up! Gweg is about to hang it up, when someone walks through the door.
"Did you put this flier on my car?" The stranger asked, holding up a piece of paper.
"Yes, I did sir," Gweg said.
"I don't appreciate you putting trash on my car," the stranger said.
"Who are you?" Gweg asked.
"I'm Richard the Atheist," the stranger said.
Gweg, naive to the world, had a vague understanding of what atheism is. Gweg asked the man, "Have you found Jesus?"
Richard the Atheist said, "I didn't know I was supposed to be looking for him."
Gweg said, "Well you can find him in your heart."
Richard the Atheist didn't look in his heart. Instead, he looked to his left, and there he saw a small crucifix.
Richard the Atheist said, "Hey! I found him!"
Richard picked up the crucifix and threw it at Gweg. The crucifix impaled Gweg right in the heart.
Richard the Atheist then nailed Gweg onto the large cross hanging from the ceiling.
Word got out on the street that there was a priest so devoted to god, that he crucified himself. That next Sunday, hundreds of people went to Gweg's church.
But Gweg couldn't preach to them, because Gweg was dead.
THE END
GWEG WORKS AT A FAST FOOD JOINT
Wow! Gweg is working at his favorite hamburger restaurant. Gweg is so happy. He makes minimum wage, but he gets an employee only discount there.
One day, Gweg was in the back making hamburgers. As he was making hamburgers, his boss came up to him and said, "Gweg, I've got some good news."
"What is it boss?" Gweg asked.
"I'm giving you a five cent raise," the boss said.
Gweg was so happy to hear the news, he failed to see that the hamburger he was making was ordered with no pickles. Gweg put pickles on it and sent it out.
One minute later, Gweg heard someone yell out, "There are pickles on my hamburger!"
The person who screamed was Richard the Angry Customer.
Richard the Angry Customer marched back into the kitchen and yelled at Gweg.
"Did you make this?" Richard the Angry Customer asked.
"Yes I did sir, but customers aren't allowed back here," Gweg answered.
"Shut-up!" Richard the Angry Customer screamed.
Richard grabbed a big knife and started chasing after Gweg. Gweg was fast, but not faster that Richard the Angry Customer.
Richard caught Gweg and started chopping him up into little pieces. Richard then took some of the pieces and he put them on the hamburger grill.
Richard made himself a fine hamburger, made out of Gweg, and of course, hold on the pickles.
THE END
Wow! Gweg is working at his favorite hamburger restaurant. Gweg is so happy. He makes minimum wage, but he gets an employee only discount there.
One day, Gweg was in the back making hamburgers. As he was making hamburgers, his boss came up to him and said, "Gweg, I've got some good news."
"What is it boss?" Gweg asked.
"I'm giving you a five cent raise," the boss said.
Gweg was so happy to hear the news, he failed to see that the hamburger he was making was ordered with no pickles. Gweg put pickles on it and sent it out.
One minute later, Gweg heard someone yell out, "There are pickles on my hamburger!"
The person who screamed was Richard the Angry Customer.
Richard the Angry Customer marched back into the kitchen and yelled at Gweg.
"Did you make this?" Richard the Angry Customer asked.
"Yes I did sir, but customers aren't allowed back here," Gweg answered.
"Shut-up!" Richard the Angry Customer screamed.
Richard grabbed a big knife and started chasing after Gweg. Gweg was fast, but not faster that Richard the Angry Customer.
Richard caught Gweg and started chopping him up into little pieces. Richard then took some of the pieces and he put them on the hamburger grill.
Richard made himself a fine hamburger, made out of Gweg, and of course, hold on the pickles.
THE END
GWEG'S FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL
Ahh! What a glorious day! Gweg is finally going to school. He's got all of his books, a nice bookbag to put them in, freshly sharpened pencils, and a nice lunch his mom made him.
Gweg enjoys his first ride on the school bus. He sits to his next door neighbor and they make friends with the kids sitting around them. This makes Gweg even more excited to get to school.
Gweg is so happy when he sees the school. But, it's so big! Gweg hopes he doesn't get lost.
Gweg finds out where his locker is from a very helpful teacher. On his way to the locker, Gweg bumps into one of the older kids.
The kid Gweg bumped into was Richard the School Bully.
"Watch where you are going kid," Richard the School Bully growled.
"I'm sorry," Gweg said, "It's my first day and I'm so excited to be here. I guess I was to busy trying to find my locker, I didn't notice any one in front of me."
"Oh talking back to me are ya, well it just so happens I know where your locker is," said Richard the School Bully.
"You do? Really?" asked Gweg.
"Yep. Its right here." And when saying that, Richard the School Bully opened up one of the unused lockers and stuffed Gweg inside.
Then Richard took out a lock and locked Gweg inside the locker.
Gweg's cries for help fell on deaf ears. He eventually realized that no one was going to help him. He was hungry, but he was to cramped inside the locker to reach his lunch.
Five months later, when the locker started to smell, a janitor found Gwegs remains. The janitor buried Gweg in the football field and then he ate Gweg's lunch.
THE END
Ahh! What a glorious day! Gweg is finally going to school. He's got all of his books, a nice bookbag to put them in, freshly sharpened pencils, and a nice lunch his mom made him.
Gweg enjoys his first ride on the school bus. He sits to his next door neighbor and they make friends with the kids sitting around them. This makes Gweg even more excited to get to school.
Gweg is so happy when he sees the school. But, it's so big! Gweg hopes he doesn't get lost.
Gweg finds out where his locker is from a very helpful teacher. On his way to the locker, Gweg bumps into one of the older kids.
The kid Gweg bumped into was Richard the School Bully.
"Watch where you are going kid," Richard the School Bully growled.
"I'm sorry," Gweg said, "It's my first day and I'm so excited to be here. I guess I was to busy trying to find my locker, I didn't notice any one in front of me."
"Oh talking back to me are ya, well it just so happens I know where your locker is," said Richard the School Bully.
"You do? Really?" asked Gweg.
"Yep. Its right here." And when saying that, Richard the School Bully opened up one of the unused lockers and stuffed Gweg inside.
Then Richard took out a lock and locked Gweg inside the locker.
Gweg's cries for help fell on deaf ears. He eventually realized that no one was going to help him. He was hungry, but he was to cramped inside the locker to reach his lunch.
Five months later, when the locker started to smell, a janitor found Gwegs remains. The janitor buried Gweg in the football field and then he ate Gweg's lunch.
THE END
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